Are You in An Emotionally/Verbally Abusive Relationship? Here Are Key Signs to Look For
No Abuse Isn't Always Broken Bones And Black Eyes
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, set aside to raise awareness about the dangers of being in a physically abusive relationship. It is important to talk about physical violence in a relationship because it is so common. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in four women and one in nine men experience violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives. However, verbal/emotional abuse in a relationship is rarely discussed.
Many people believe that if their partner has not hit them, then they have not been abused. However, that is far from the truth. It is hard to discuss verbal/emotional abuse because it often has no clear signs. Physical abuse comes with signs, such as broken bones, scars, black eyes, and busted lips. Yet, people who are verbally/emotionally abused often have emotional scars and feel like they have been beaten up internally.
People who are emotionally or verbally abused often suffer in silence for years. When they share their story, they are frequently not believed. One of the reasons that people feel that emotional and verbal abuse is something they have to put up with is because they believe the old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." However, that is far from the truth.
You may ask, "How do I know if I am being verbally or emotionally abused?" Here are some signs to look out for.
Put-Downs/Name-Calling
There is nothing wrong with joking with someone you care about. However, when a person says things to constantly tear you down, it's abuse. The person may later try to say they did not mean it, but this is still abuse. The primary purpose of putting someone down is to make them feel bad about themselves. The person who is at the receiving end of the verbal abuse will likely internalize what was said to them. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and self-esteem issues.
A 2007 Harvard Study asked 554 college students between the ages of 18 and 22 to fill out questionnaires about their childhood. The researchers found that the students who experienced verbal and emotional abuse were just as likely to experience depression as those who suffered physical and sexual abuse.
Destructive Criticism
Criticism can be classified as destructive or constructive. If criticism is constructive, the purpose is to make you a better person and help you improve in some area of your life. However, destructive criticism has no purpose except to tear another person down. A partner who is constantly giving you criticism that hurts rather than helps is emotionally and verbally abusing you.
It is also important to note that many abusers give destructive criticism under the guise of trying to "discipline" someone. No one should try to correct their romantic partner like they are a child.
False Accusations
It is common for verbal and emotional abusers to make false accusations. In some cases, they are doing exactly what they are accusing their partner of doing. For example, your partner may accuse you of cheating when they are doing it themselves.
Denial/Deflection
If you try to confront your partner about how they are treating you, they may deny it has ever happened. They may also deflect or try to place the blame on you. For example, they may say, "I wouldn't have done this if you hadn't done that."
The long-term effects of verbal and emotional abuse can be devastating. That's why it's imperative that you get out of any relationship where you are being mistreated. Relationships are about taking the good with the bad. No couple is perfect. However, abuse has no place in a relationship. It is not a part of the normal ups and downs that couples go through. There is no need to put up with abuse when you have a chance of finding someone who will love you and not abuse you.
Sources: ncadv.org/STATISTICS
news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2007/04/verbal-beatings-hurt-as-much-as-sexual-abuse/
psychcentral.com/lib/emotional-abuse-signs#signs-of-emotional-abuse
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