Why I am Still Single at 36

Short answer: I never met the right one, the long answer is far more complicated

I am a Christan and Conservative. Early marriage and lots of babies are two things that are often emphasized in the Christian and conservative communities frequently. I am an outlier. I am 36 and still single. I have one son that I had at 34. I don't have a crystal ball to see into the future. However, the way things are looking now, he might be the only biological child I ever have.

I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy at 33/34. However, things took an unexpected turn towards the end, and I had him at 36+4 gestation. This means that another pregnancy for me would be high-risk because of my age and the preterm birth. I would love to have another child, but I am not to thrilled about going through something like this. I am not a spring chicken any more either. Even though I know plenty of women are having children well into their 40s, that's not something I really want. If I don't get pregnant again by 38, it just won't happen.

Being single at 36 with one kid is not something that I really wanted or expected. I admittedly had and still have a fairly tale view of marriage. I wanted to wear the white dress, walk down the aisle and pledge my love to the man of my dreams.

As I have gotten older, I have realized that marriage requires selflessness and servitude. I still look forward to it. I have realized that life was not meant to be lived just for yourself.

I always thought that I would get married young by following the cookie-cutter way to live. I thought that I would go to college, graduate, start my career and then get married. I was hoping that I would be married by 25. However, that clearly didn't happen.

I watched several romance movies that took place in the 80s and 90s. The women would go to college, met their husbands and get married shortly after. When I first entered college, I met Deion, who I thought was the man of my dreams. He was 25, and I was 18. He was more experienced than me in more ways than one. However, the seven-year age gap did not affect our relationship.

Deion and I bonded over the fact that we both knew what is like to have depression. We also knew what it was like to be outcasts and have people not understand you. We would have late-night phone conversations about the deepest issues. I also enjoyed his company. It was like time stood still every time that we were together. I have to admit I still think about those times we spent together and smile. However, the factors that brought us together were the ones that ultimately drove us apart.

The relationship lasted exactly three years and four months. We broke up about a year into the relationship. It lasted for about five or six weeks, and I was absolutely miserable without him. We got back together, but in hindsight, I should have ended it then.

Deion and I broke up in January 2010. By the end of February 2010, I was done crying and ready to move on. I decided to cut my loss because I knew there were other fish in the sea. I set up my first online dating account. After sifting through the myraid of messages that I received, I met a man named Andre. Andre was 35, I was 21. We exchanged a few messages before we exchanged numbers.

I met him online on a Monday, and we met in person on a Thursday. I was living in Aiken, SC going to college, and he lived in Anderson, SC. This was about a two hour drive. I allowed him to come to my dorm and visit me. (Not the safest thing I know).

We spent all day together. Andre wanted to move way faster than I like. He already talked about me moving up to Anderson with him. I was like "Dude, we just met." I only saw Andre in person once. It turns out that he was a total loon. He had been married and divorced twice. It quickly became apparent to me why none of his relationships worked out.

Andre had a history of domestic violence and major anger issues. He bragged about how he broke his ex-wife's foot. He didn't go to jail, but he had to pay her medical bills. Andre had also been arrested for abuse of his daughter. He told me that it was a normal spanking, normal "discipline." However, his ex-wife thought it was over the top and called the police. He also admitted to slapping his daughter so hard in the face that her nose bleed.

Andre also had three children. One was 14, the other was 10 and the youngest one was two. If that relationship would have worked out, that meant that I would have three stepkids. That was definitely not the right situation for a 21-year-old.

A few weeks later, I meet Brad. Brad was 28, divorced and had one kid. He was earning his master's degree at Augusta State University. I went to see him at college one day. We had a great day and thought we were going to move forward in the relationship.

I asked Brad several times when we were going to get together again. He would always hit me with the "I'm busy" line. I wasn't oblivious to the fact that he wasn't interested anymore, but I wanted to find out why. It turns out that he was in a relationship and had been for awhile. I cut all communication with him.

This was in May 2010. I kept my online dating profiles up, but I didn't go out on a date for a while. At the end of November or beginning of December, that was when I met Jay. Jay and I talked online for a few weeks before exchanging numbers. We met for a date on December 19. I remember this date because it was one of the best ones I ever went on. That is pretty pathetic considering the fact that I have had a man's baby.

Jay and I had dinner at Ruby Tuesdays followed by bowling. We got bored with bowling quickly and decided to go downtown to the Augusta Riverwalk. We walked and talked there for several hours. It didn't matter that we didn't do anything special. I just enjoyed his company.

The first date was a mirage. I thought that because we had a picture-perfect first date, we would have a picture-perfect relationship. It was far from that. Jay and I had nothing in common except for that thing that men and women tend to do very well together. After about seven months of trying to force a relationship to stay together that was not meant to be, we parted in July 2011. Jay and I stayed in touch via phone. The last time that we saw each other was in September 2011.

I did not know why, but I just needed to see Jay again. I told him to meet me at the bowling alley. He talked for a little bit and then left. I knew I would never see him again.

In October 2011, Jay started dating the woman that would eventually become his wife. When she came into the picture, I decided to remove myself from the picture. Jay wanted to do that whole "we broke up, but we can still be friends thing". I didn't want to do that. I just wanted to move on.

Everything happens for a reason. I wanted Jay and I to work out for all of the wrong reasons. However, I didn't realize that his life would be cut short. He died in April 2020. If things had worked out the way I thought I wanted at the time, I would be a young widow.

I didn't date for a long time after Jay. I was so hurt that I didn't even want to entertain a man for a long time. In July 2012, I moved to Charlotte. I was living in my first adult apartment in the city. I wanted to enjoy the single life for a while and wasn't interested in dating.

The fun, independent single life was great for a while. However, I was getting tired of that. I decided to get back on the dating scene in 2013. I met a man named Ron. Ron and I actually had a lot in common. We both were into fitness, loved being outdoors, self-employed, single and without children. However, Ron and I's relationship was short-term.

I had been abstinent since my breakup with Jay. I wanted to stay that way until marriage. Ron was the typical man and was not trying to hear that. I had a few other short-term relationships from 2014 to 2018 that are really not even worth talking about. We went out on a few dates, realized it wasn't going to work and then dipped.

I had been single for about four years when I got with my son's dad, Brian. I had known Brian for about three or four years when we got together. We were friends who had met in church. However, he was proof that the devil shows up at church.

I got with Brian because something had went terribly wrong in my life, and he temporarily helped me rectify it. If this particular situation had never happened, then I would have never got with Brian. Brian and I's relationship started off great. However, the type of person he was became apparent to me quickly.

Brian was selfish, entitled and verbally abusive. My life was a combination of "What's Love Got to Do With It", "Coming to America" and "Rain Man" from March 2022 until June 2023. I got pregnant during this time and had my son February 8. I left when he was four months old.

To answer the question of "Why I am still single at 36?" I have always met the wrong men and settled for less than what I have deserved. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time, meet the right guy, get married and have a ton of babies like many of the typical Christian, conservative women. That just isn't my story.

However, my story has not ended. I am still holding onto the faith that I will meet my dream husband who will also be a great stepfather to my son. Until then, I will focus on bettering life for myself and my son.